


in this infinite universe.

by sugarhyuck



Series: against the world. [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Cosmonauts, M/M, Mark-centric, Space!AU, That's it, based on nick caves and the bad seeds' song, coming home, fluff and angst i guess, mark just love donghyuck so much, thats's literally the whole story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 15:10:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17851946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarhyuck/pseuds/sugarhyuck
Summary: In the end of the day, when the sun rolls down on the crook of the green hills, or the burning flame of aurora on the night sky has died down, in every universe, Mark will always find his way back to Donghyuck.





	in this infinite universe.

**Author's Note:**

> a heads up before reading this fic; the story would not make any sense if you havent read the first series yet.

Mark heard about the earthquake from the mineral and chemicals department’s leader, Wong Yukhei, an hour before his phone rang all over the room. When he picked up, the sound of crashing downpour in the middle of the rolling autumn season echoed like an unending promise of make it home. He shushed Donghyuck from the other line and prayed to all the Gods above for a chance of happiness. It’s all it takes for him to pick up the phone and called his mom back in their warm tiny little house on the back of the mountain range in Colorado. He thanked the universe for a possibility of hearing his parent’s voice once again and blamed the fate for the unwelcomed pain of losing it all.

  
When he got back into the space exploration base, he pulled Donghyuck into a hug and whispered an unending sorry. Sorry for not being there, sorry for the inability to share the pain, sorry for never making it possible for him to be grateful. When Donghyuck muttered a small ‘it passed’, Mark swore he could hear his own heart broke into a million pieces. He pulled the boy tighter and dreamed of the unending possibilities of another life after.

  
They got back to the shared apartment after a long ten-hour training and Mark baked an apple pie in the middle of a cold rainy Monday. The faint smell of cinnamon and burnt sugar is never enough to comfort the heavy pain that lingered in the air that never felt like home, and Donghyuck shut their bedroom’s door achingly slow like the pain grazed over every single part of Mark’s being. When the day passed and the moon shone brightly outside the window, the rain stopped and millions of stars scattered across the galaxy, Mark kissed a part of Donghyuck’s nape and rounded his hand on the lover’s wait before went to a steady silence of regret and wished for a bright sunny life the next after.

  


_

  


Mark never fancies the idea of losing, about the regret and the unending grief that come within. When Donghyuck had his nightmares, Mark stared at the infinite universe from their bedroom and wondered why some never make it back home. He blamed it on the possibilities of curiosity and an infinite chance of exploring it all. When he saw the tears on Donghyuck’s cheek, he whispered ‘I love you. More than you will ever know.’ As he wiped the downpour and the faint melody of their favorite Christmas song is enough to put them to a steady silence under the flickering stars on their bedroom ceiling. 

  
He thought the world is cruel, but not when he saw Donghyuck smiled brightly in the morning as he stirred a mix of coffee, two sugar cubes, and a creamer on their small kitchen island. He thought the world is cold, but not when Donghyuck pulled him under the Christmas tree and the bright flickering fairy lights and they danced to Donghyuck’s favorite track of Nick caves playing in the radio on the corner of the room. He thought the world is lonely, but not when Donghyuck rested his fluffy golden locks on his chest and he could feel the rapid beating of a heartbeat which he unsure whose it belongs to.

  
It somehow merged in every cells of his mind, about how much he was unable to let Donghyuck away from the steady pace of their shared apartment. It’s also what he thought when they were sitting in the living room, hand tightly wrapped in each other’s link as Mark caressed the other’s thumb and memorized it on the back of his mind. “what do you think about spending the rest of your time with me?” he asked. 

  
Mark has loved him for a long time, and is undeniably sure that there’s still more to spend in a lifetime. He knew that the universe is big, but the warmth that radiates from Donghyuck’s presence is enough to fill in their forever and some after. “like a marriage?” the boy asked. He pulled him closer and kissed him square in his lips. “like a marriage.”

  
Fourteen days full of training later, they were sent to the outer space through the joint-manned solar space explorer craft and finally bid their goodbye to the Europe space exploration base. Mark is more than glad when he found out that his control would be the only one Lee Donghyuck. He thanked Kim Dongyoung, the head of the Ground Control and the man patted his shoulder and wished him a good luck and a hope for him to make it back home. Jeno Lee from the bio-engineer department wished him an answer for his unending questions of the infinite.

  
That’s what his mom said when he was seven, when he told his mom that the universe is infinite and how he would explore it until there’s nothing left. The woman grazed over his forehead and planted a kiss there, as she nodded her head and hold her tears back on the deepest part of her heart. Mark thought she didn’t get the idea. It’s also what Donghyuck Lee said in his bedroom with the sound of waves crashing to the shore, under the plain black sheet, Donghyuck told him that it is scary for knowing something that probably doesn’t have any ending. The idea of limitless clouded on the boy’s mind and Mark pulled him impossibly closer. He also didn’t get the idea. “you just need to see deeper.”

  
He pulled his mother into a hug and buried his face in the crook of his father’s neck as the man whispered on how much he made them proud. He glanced over the other side of the room to see Huang Renjun sulked onto Donghyuck’s embrace and demand a promise to ever come home. Mark smiled and whispered a soundless ‘I love you’ to Donghyuck and received a message through their connected dsn on his little can. 

  
‘I know.’ It showed on Mark’s screen.

  


_

  


Sometimes, life played a game that humans couldn’t understand better. That’s how Mark always feel when he was absent-mindedly explored the infinite universe. He passed the flickering rings of Saturn and the burning aurora of the milky way, but somehow the possibilities is not enough. The same goes when Dong Yong told them that it’s finally the time to travel the other galaxy. The idea has clouded his mind for in-in between daylight and the passing years of growing, but he couldn’t put a touch on it.

  
"nervous?" he asked Donghyuck through the speaker on his tiny spacecraft. Mark thought it was funny how they were always inseparable then, and now the only thing that connected them is the small speaker attached to each other's capsule. Donghyuck answered were unwelcomed on Mark’s hearing sense and it floated on the air like an unfulfilled dream of a boy who dreamed about the space. "not really. you?" 

  
How Mark actually feel about this? The idea itself felt unreal on the tip of his fingers and it burned on his lungs like the cigarettes burnt on every lunch break of the burning summer in their home. If he could choose, he would have backed down and re-evaluate his dream and everything he ever wished for upon the falling star because he regretted every choice of being away from home, from Donghyuck. But he remembers how bright Donghyuck smiled after being told that they were going and once again, the idea buried inside the deepest part of his heart and he hoped to all the gods above for it to never existed.

  
“I’m just okay.”

  
Mark sure somewhere out there, Donghyuck realized that things were not going to be the same and they knew that it would killed both feelings, but life is an unending maze and humans are incapable to unravel all the secrets behind it. Mark didn’t even remember why he said goodbye to his parents, he would skip a heartbeat to not say it to Donghyuck also.

  
He heard his voice, tiny, static and felt like home. “Do you remember what you said to me a day before we went away?”

  
He does. He remembers every single thing in the past twenty year of their life being together. He remembers Donghyuck who fell down from the bike when they were seven and cried to his mother’s embrace till the sun roll down. He remembers how bright Donghyuck smiled when Mark won him the fluffy bear plushie from the night carnival outside their town when they were thirteen. Mark remember how he fell in love with every inch and every single cell of Donghyuck’s being on their chaste first kiss back in the sea shore as both soaked in waves and unending love. He laughed because fate is cruel and unforgiving. “that we should get married if we ever make it back home?”

  
if we ever make it back home. the sentence ringed all over mark's head like a constant reminder of the endless universe. though their space craft was named soter and soteria, which goes by means for safety and protection, he doubted he will ever make it back.

  
“did you mean it?” Donghyuck asked and Mark wondered what he still believe in. 

“I always do.”

  
from the black screen that was connected to each other's craft, a message arrived like an ocean wave crashing on the sea shore. it sent thrills to Donghyuck's blood as his trembling finger opened the message.

  
"marry me?" it says.

and Donghyuck didn't even think as he replied, "in every universe.”

  
How bad Mark wished for Donghyuck to know that the universe is unkind.

  


_

  


  


"say, donghyuck. how do you feel about getting proposed on the outer space?"

  
donghyuck laughed, head thrown back and heart full of happiness.

  
"out of this world."

  
_

  


As far as Mark could remember, he fell in love with the idea of the universe since he was five, when his father bought back an old space magazine for his birthday present. He faintly recalled his finger grazed over the drawing of Saturn and its glory rings and told his father that he would visit the planet soon. His father laughed under the distant smell of coffee and their wooden rooftop. “you could be whatever you want to be, Mark.”

  
the mission of their manned solar space explorer program was to traveled through the time, and the final destination of it was the UGC 4459 galaxy. it is exactly eleven million light-years away from the constellation of Ursa Major and a heartbeat from home. It’s an intergalactic travel mission and Mark doubted the limitless possibilities of coming home right away when he heard it. Yet, he still gritted his teeth and nodded to the Ground Control head. When he looked back, Donghyuck smiled at him as bright as the constellations.

  
"hey mark." donghyuck greeted to their dns. Mark pulled his lips into a smile. "yes love?" legs restlessly shaking and heart beats louder than everything he ever heard on his life, Mark zipped up his cosmonaut’s outfit and cleared his mind out of the thought of the lonely cosmos waiting for him. "did I ever say how much I love you?"

  
He did. Donghyuck did so many times until Mark felt like it’s too much of things he doesn’t deserve for not giving enough. It’s the simplest things such a cup of coffee when the sun sets on the horizon or the glimming sparks in Donghyuck’s eyes whenever he looked at him. Or how the boy muttered endless love under the sparkling stars on their bedroom ceiling. But Mark is greedy and awake, he would take every chance he could to feel it all over again. So he clicked the video message on their dsn and wished to the falling star for the last chance.

  
"hi there." mark greeted. donghyuck giggled as he waved back. "hi. how are you feeling?"

  
their voice collided with the newly arrived message from the ground control. Mark opened the message as he averted back his gaze to Donghyuck. "super excited, but nervous. you know?" donghyuck nodded on the other side.

  
the countdown on the upper screen of their craft showed the number '60', it means they had one minute left before the cosmonaut's departure. His heart stopped beating for a moment as he took it as the final cue to remember every single thing he loved about the boy a craft away from him. He averted his gaze back to the screen and smiled. "about your question earlier, you did. so many times. but it's never enough."

  
40 seconds. donghyuck stared back to mark's face on the screen. the feeling of sadness merged on every cell on his body and it burned his fingertips that was touching mark's face through the glass. Mark definitely felt that.

  
"I love you." Donghyuck said, and the line abruptly cut off. The muffled voice of someone talking on the speaker couldn't reach Mark's ear anymore. he didn't catch what the ground control was saying, but he knew. he always knew. He stared at the empty black screen like the unending space and lonely cosmos that never promised a chance of safety.

  
20 seconds. He sent a message through the dsn and hoped it reached through.

  
'i know.' it typed on Donghyuck’s screen and both just stared at it for like forever, because they really didn't know what to feel.

  
the green signal above his window flashed a bright color, and donghyuck's trembling fingers landed on the button in his deck that would release mark's craft off from his. it burned on donghyuck's fingertips as he pondered about not doing it. but it's not just about him, not just about mark, but it's about everyone waiting for them. Mark gritted his teeth so hard that he was afraid that it would break and fought the tears that welled up on his dark orbs.

  
so when Donghyuck finally pushed the button, Mark could hear his heart broke and shattered to billion pieces like the constellation on the bright sky he stargazed with Donghyuck last winter from their balcony. Then he went away with every memory they held on their palms and wished for a safety of another heart whose not his to never break.

  


_

  
so far, mark crossed another one galaxy, far away from theirs, far away from donghyuck. inhabited, but not really suitable for humans. he sent the information to the ground control, and the ground control sent his coordinate to donghyuck.

  
The passing days passed like a blurry dream outside his window. He could manage to keep up a few conversations with Donghyuck from the line but it couldn’t quiet catch his mind and the ringed sentences didn’t really touch his heart anymore.

  
"it's like ross 128b, a little bit colder. but humans hate heat, right?" Mark found a planet, about a hundred thousand light-years away from the earth, half from donghyuck. both ponder whether it's suitable for human to live or not, (donghyuck argued "there may be aliens!" which later mark striked back with "we could be friend!" donghyuck rolled his eyes.) but it's all up to the ground command.

  
both looked outside, and watched the stars flicked around their space craft. it's beautifully breathtaking, something they wasn't used to on earth. from his window, donghyuck saw a Columba constellationー it means dove in Latin. donghyuck prayed the constellation able to delivered the unspoken words he's too scared to say for mark. If he knew better, it would be so much easier to convey it on the line rather than living the rest of his life in regret.

  
"i wish you were here." the voice rang again, all the way to his small cold work space. Donghyuck tightened his blanket draped all over his shoulder from the other side, lips tight in line. "i wish i were there too."

  
When another season of autumn rolled in on their planet, Mark found another planet, a million light-years away from the earth. it's bright, yellowish orange and warm. most likely so close to earth's characteristic. Mark cutted of his daily call with Donghyuck and opened the attachment from the Mineral and Chemicals’s Wong Yukhei and sent the information to the ground control. it arrived 2 months later due to the bad radio signal and Mark took the time to stopped blaming the cruel fate of the universe.

  
their mission shifted from crossing the galaxy to find a new place to live, because sadly the world couldn't held on any longer. the climate changed completely and the 4 cosmonaut's shoulder is loaded with a way heavier burden. it must showed so much on mark's face on their last video call a couple months ago with Donghyuck because the other silently wiped his tears and muttered a small ‘it will pass.’ Not long after that, the signal cut off because mark traveled too far from their orbit and the dsn went off after he crossed the milky way. the ground control sent his coordinate to donghyuck. it appeared largely on his black screen. And apparently, mark is two galaxies away.

  
"it's dangerous." Donghyuck said to the microphone, hoping it reaches for mark. It never did. 

  
Mark spent his time wondering about times where he failed his parent’s dream to become a doctor and simply threw their hopes under the bed as he sent out an application to the elite school back on the rolling side of the hills. When he got accepted, he bid his goodbye to the warm and cozy home and pulled himself out of his mother’s embrace and stared at his dad for the last time. After six years, they met briefly again to send him out to the space.

  
'yukhei and i analyzed the composition of this planet. i sent it to the ground control.' He sent the message to Donghyuck with a hope for it to reached the destination, which donghyuck replied with 'do you want to adopt another dog once we get back?'

  
'if that makes you happy.' mark typed back.

  
donghyuck's message arrived 4 hours later on mark's screen, typed in some really blurry writings. 'what if we never have the chance?' mark replied with the extended outer solar signal. 'you promised renjun. promises are meant to be kept.'

  
Sometimes, he wished and hoped and hoped again for himself to should have made a promise to come back. he wished he gave Donghyuck one proper goodbye to go away for a night like this, but it never happened. Never on the day he left, never on forever.

  
Yukhei often sent him a message or two through the dsn, but most of the other, Mark would just stare mindlessly outside his window. There’s no more flickering Saturn and its glory rings and the burning aurora of the milky way, but rather an endless dark sky with a faint reminder of the boy who outshone the sun. sometimes, he unknowingly hummed to the boy’s favorite song by Nick caves and found himself with a streak of tears rolling down on his cheeks.

  
He doubted the unending possibilities he trusted for so many years now. Maybe, maybe he thought, that the world is not cruel, and it’s not unforgiving, but it really just him that kept wishing and wishing without realizing that he blamed the universe so much for things he should’ve done for himself. He didn’t blame the dust storm on the milky way, nor the Columbia constellation outside his tiny tin that failed to convey his message to Donghyuck. Instead, he closed his eyes, bit his lips, and killed the feeling inside his heart as he typed ‘fs95’ on his screen and sent it to the ground control.

  
He never knew if Donghyuck adopted another breed of dog. He never knew if Renjun pulled Donghyuck to a tight hug once he landed his feet on the earth. He never knew if Donghyuck cried himself to sleep and longs for the warmth of his presence on the other side of the bed. He never knew if Jungwoo and Donghyuck walked down the wrath on the ceremony on their behalf that he didn’t even knew. He never knew anything. 

  
In the end of the day, when the sun rolls down on the crook of the green hills, or the burning flame of aurora on the night sky has died down, in every universe, Mark will always find his way back to Donghyuck. But the possibilities are endless, and there’s always another chance of life after. He is more than sorry when he realized that he couldn't come back on this one.  


**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on this fic since two weeks ago and kinda lost my touch on it, but i feel like there's so much thing i didn't resolved on the first part. so i tried to write off from Mark's side and potrayed how much Mark is in love with Donghyuck. Though, i wished the story could have a happy ending, i fell in love with how this one ended as well. thank you for reading, have a nice day! kudos and your thoughts are appreciated!
> 
> ps; mark knew since the start that he would not make it back.  
> ps; anyone saw the //john mayer// reference there?
> 
>  
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/sugarhyuck)


End file.
